At a hearing earlier this year on one of the stalled bills to allow same-sex marriage, Mark S. Goldberg told a Senate committee about his months-long battle last fall to convince state authorities to release to him the body of his partner of 17 years, Ron Hanby, so he could grant his wish for cremation - only to have that request rejected too because "we were not legally married or blood relatives."

After struggling for years with depression, he said, Hanby took his own life.
Goldberg said he tried to show the police and the state medical examiner's office "our wills, living wills, power of attorney and marriage certificate" from Connecticut, but "no one was willing to see these documents."

He said he was told the medical examiner's office was required to conduct a two-week search for next of kin, but the medical examiner's office waited a full week before placing the required ad in a newspaper. And then when no one responded, he said, they "waited another week" to notify another state agency of an unclaimed body.

After four weeks, he said, a Department of Human Services employee finally "took pity on me and my plight ... reviewed our documentation and was able to get all parties concerned to release Ron's body to me," but then the cremation society refused to cremate Ron's body.

"On the same day, I contacted the Massachusetts Cremation Society and they were more than willing to work with me and cremate Ron's body," and so, "on Nov. 6, 2008, I was able to finally pick up Ron's remains and put this tragedy to rest."

"I felt as if I was treated not as a second-class citizen, but as a non-citizen," Goldberg told the Senate Judiciary Committee, an hour into the first hearing this year on the 13-year push by gay-rights advocates for the right to marry in Rhode Island, and the pushback from the Roman Catholic Church and other opponents.

The Senate committee had before it that day legislation to prohibit same-sex marriages here as well. With the 2009 legislative session in its sixth and likely last month, no action has been taken on any of the other bills on the subject.

The bill that won Senate approval is narrowly framed. It adds "the domestic partner of the deceased'' - right under the words, surviving spouse - to the list of people a funeral director should consult about the arrangements.

It defines a domestic partner as someone who had been in "an exclusive, intimate and committed relationship'' with the deceased, had cohabited for at least a year at the time of the death.

It also spells out the kinds of evidence necessary to prove the two were financially dependent, such as: a joint mortgage, lease, checking or credit account, a "domestic partnership agreement or relationship contract,'' or evidence the "domestic partner had been designated as a beneficiary in the decedent's will for a retirement contract or life insurance.''